My name is John and I Will Be Your Server

My Name Is John and I Will Be Your Server

I would like to reflect for a few moments on the relationship between the faithful and their parish priest—and to do so, I am going to use the image of a server.

A few years ago, I was having dinner in a nice restaurant with a friend.  Unfortunately, we were having difficulties with the server.   Everything was going wrong: I don’t know if it was us or him, but we were just not communicating well.  To further complicate the matter, the server was blaming all the mistakes on us.  He insisted that we had ordered something that we didn’t want.  The server was rather elderly and my friend—uncharitably—remarked that the server was arrogant because he had served the meal at the Last Supper.  

I chuckled at the moment, but later that evening, I reflected that—at least for the most important part of the meal, the institution of the Eucharist—there were no servers.  Jesus Himself washed the feet of the invited guests, “His loved ones, those He called His own.”  Jesus served the meal and, finally, at the end shared with his fellow diners His own Body and Blood.   In today’s Church, it is the priests who are the servers.  Quite often priestly work is described as “ministry,” but I think that this somehow obscures the role of one who is called upon to wash the feet of others.  Server is much more apt.

The relationship between the server and the restaurant diners is not usually one that either of them sought out.  Fate brought them together.  The server is not part of the group of people dining at the table.  He is the servant—always outside the group.  He might be our favorite server in our favorite restaurant. We might be his favorite customers.  We might exchange pleasantries, inquire about him and joke with him, but he is still the server.  He will come and go.  He will serve not only our table, but enter into similar relationships with other diners at other tables.  So it is with the priest.  It is most likely that neither the parishioners nor the parish priest chose either other.  Precisely, it is the bishop who made the dinner reservations.  But it is the priest who serves families; he shares in their joys, their sadness, their secrets; he provides support and guidance…but he is not part of the family.  He moves on to other families, to other parishes.

The server’s role is two-fold.  First of all, he is to take the orders.  This sounds basic and easy, but there is a great deal to it.  First of all the server must be familiar with what is one the menu.  He must know what the restaurant can and cannot serve.  This degree of familiarity does not mean that he rattles off a list of plates, but the he know the ingredients and how they are prepared. The server cannot dictate to the people what they should order to eat, nor can he force them to eat the food if they don’t want to do so.  He must treat the diners with respect.  He must not be intrusive or obnoxious, drawing attention to himself.  

In taking the order, the server needs to be patient with the diners.  They may not be familiar with the menu; they may have a difficult time in making decisions.  The server needs listen, patiently without interrupting.  The server should respond to the questions with respect, clarity and sincerity.   Complaints from the diners should be treated in the same way.

Again, we reflect that this is the role of the priest.  The priest brings the gifts of God to the people.  He cannot force them to accept them or even appreciate them.  He can simply offer them in the best way that he knows how.  It is the right and the responsibility of the people to use these divine gifts in the most effective manner.

The diners must understand that they are not the only concern of the server.  He has other tables to serve and other tasks to perform that go unnoticed until they are not done.  The requests of the diners must be reasonable they cannot expect Chinese food in an Italian restaurant.  The server must be treated with respect.  The faithful must respect their priest, taken into consideration his responsibilities and accept what the priest can and cannot do for them.

The second part of the server’s job is to bring the food to the table.  It is not his food; he did not prepare it.  He just brings to us what he has been given.  And this is like the role of the priest.  The priest is not bringing to us something that is his. He hands over what he has been given.  The Church has entrusted the priest with the most precious gifts of Word and Sacrament—and the priest shares these gifts with us.  The priest shares with us the inspirations of the Spirit that he has received in prayer and study.

The task of the server does not end after the food has been put on the table.  It is the common practice for the server to return to the table after a few minutes to see if the diners need anything else.  The server might also be called upon at any moment to fill a water class or bring more bread, or replace a spoon for a child who has dropped three others.  The server cannot hide in the kitchen.  The server is wearing a uniform to indicate in a visible manner his availability.  The priest must also be vigilant and available.  So, with the priest, the requests can come at any time or in any form.  We also dress in a certain way, thereby indicating to everyone our willingness to stop and help.

Throughout the evening, the server is on call. His uniform sets him apart.  People are looking at him.  To be crude, if he is picking his nose, someone will notice and comment.  The priest too must realize that while he has a personal life, he really does not have a private life.  His behavior and words are observed and noted. 

Diners need to realize that server is not simply at their beck and call.  He may be taking the order of another table, delivering food or cleaning off plates.  The diners need to be patient, realizing that the server will address their needs as soon as possible.  There is no need to provide an application of this to the priest.

Things do not always go right, in a restaurant and in life.  The server must realize that if the diners are not happy with something, he is the only person the diners have to voice their complaints.  Again, he must be patient and do everything he can to rectify things.  The priest is the “face of the Church.”  In most cases, he is the one people have to express their concerns and, yes, complaints.  He must again listen with patience, respect and understanding and be willing to change the things that he can change.

The server should not expect too much praise.  He just brought the food; he didn’t cook it.  So, if he gets a nice tip and perhaps a kind word of thanks, that is enough.  He would be foolish to expect a statue in his honor for the meals he served.  So too must the priest be cautious in his expectations for recognition, accolades or rewards.. In the end, we priests must expect nothing more than the words offered spoke by the master of the good servant in the parable, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful…” (Matthew 25:23) 

Lastly, let us recall that we have all been taught how to treat servers.  Abusive and unreasonable demands are uncalled for.  Even when things don’t go as one would expect, let us be patient and appreciate at least the good will of the server.  As we deal with our priests, most of whom have served with grace-filled dedication, let us remember that they offered themselves for priestly ordination because they want to serve us.   This should count for a great deal for us—it does with God.  

Homily at the Divine Liturgy 

for the Faithful Departed 

George T. SFEIR

10 AM   Saint Louis Gonzaga Church

Gospel: John 13:1-6, 12-17

I begin by offering to Amelia and to the entire family of our beloved George the condolences of the entire parish family of Saint Louis Gonzaga, especially Father Aaron, Deacon Paul and Deacon Peter.  Bishop Gregory Mansour called me yesterday and asked me to convey to you his sympathy and assurance of prayers. As an aside, Bishop Gregory was in the process of requesting the papal honor of the Knight of Saint Gregory for George, but unfortunately, the Vatican bureaucracy moves slowly.  the last time that I saw Archbishop Zayek, God rest his soul, he asked me only about one person here in Utica, George Sfeir and his family who had been so good to him during his visits to the parish.

Thank you to Father Saba Shofany, the pastor of Saint Basil Melkite Greek Catholic Church for his presence among use.  I also acknowledge the representation of the Holy Name Society and Saint Mary’s Guild—George was a member of both!

It is usually at this point of the homily that I say that I did not know the person very well, but this time, that is not the case.  George was good friend whom I cherished and respected.  He guided me as I assumed the responsibility of pastor in this community and helped me in uncounted ways.  

Our education institutions loudly and frequently advertise that they train the leaders of tomorrow.  There are countless seminars and workshops geared to teaching us how to be leaders.  Leadership is a quality to be sought; a leadership role is a goal to be achieved.  I am not sure if the education institutions are so very good at teaching our young people or any of us on where they need to lead people.  The goal is to be out in front; that is all important.
Leadership also seemed to be an important issue for the disciples of Jesus. Jesus found them arguing among themselves about who was to be the greatest in the Kingdom of God (Luke 9:46).  The mother of James and John, two uneducated fisherman Galilee was so bold to approach Jesus (perhaps at the instigation of her sons) and ask, “Command these two sons of mine sit, one at your right and the other at your left, in your kingdom.” (Matthew 20:21) 
Jesus had a completely different concern.  He did not teach his disciples how to be leaders—he wanted them to understand how to be servants.  The servant is one who does not “call the shots,” but instead quietly serves the needs of others. He gave them the example of service at the Last Supper:  “You must wash one another’s feet.”  

George understood this call to service.  His entire life was service to others in his family, in the parish and indeed in the Utica community.  He was not the one to stand there and shout out orders, to work to attract attention, to seek the praise or recognition.  He just wanted to help in his own quiet way.  It could be a gift of cookies, cheese, or groceries, a ride somewhere, watering the flowers.  He took care of all of us.

We shall all miss George’s quiet presence in a room.  I knew that he had ideas born of years of experience, but I always had to drag his opinions out of him.  Even though he knew what had to be done, he preferred to let others talk.  (He would then probably do what he thought was right all along.)

This call to loving and generous service of others, especially those who are usually ignored by society is constantly on the lips of Pope Francis.  The Pope, mindful of the example of Christ, does not want a Church filled with leaders.  The Pope wants a Church of servants!  Our parish Church—indeed the entire Church—has lost a man, who is an example of loving and generous service to the people of God.  

After George’s decades of loving service to God, Church and family, I am quite confident that will greet him in the manner of the master in the parable of the talents, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'  (Matthew 25:21)  May God give eternal joy to his devoted servant, George.

-Chorbishop John D. Faris

Homily on the occasion of the Rite of Christian Burial for

Saundra Enany Faris

19 January 2018 – Saint John the Evangelist Church, Uniontown, PA

Gospel 18:1-5

On behalf of all of Saundra’s family members, I thank all of you who have come to pray with us today.  We ask your continued prayers for the repose of her soul the consolation of those who will continue to miss her.
I thank Father James Tringhese, the pastor of Saint John the Evangelist Church, for welcoming me to be with him and the altar and to offer some kind of reflection of what our faith teaches us at this difficult time.
Before we continue, I want to acknowledge the presence of Saundra’s four brothers, Jim, Rick, Michael and Mark.  They have suffered the loss of three sisters Alice, Kathy and now Saundra in a very short period..  Be sure of our prayers.
I am not going to recount any of the thousands of amusing anecdotes that we have of this very special lady.  Her life was too significant. We shall share and cherish them over the days to come. I am not going to deliver a eulogy.  The homily in the Mass is an occasion for us to reflect on faith.
Before I continue, I want the grandchildren to stand.  You kids were her world. To be honest, she was not always so terribly fond of her sons--this is understandable.  But she adored all of you.  You have a torch of love and warmth and compassion to carry on.
The Gospel passage that was proclaimed describes an incident that at first glance appears to be insignificant; but we find that is still being talked about 2,000 years after it happened.   Jesus takes a small child and places the child in the midst of his disciples, the people he was teaching. There is a tradition that says that this child grew up to be a powerful father and teacher of the Church, Saint Ignatius of Antioch.  That may or may not be factual, but in any case, what we have is a small child be called to stand in the  midst of all these adults.  One might be critical and say that Jesus was using this child as a teaching “prop.”
Jesus told his followers and tells us—very simply and very clearly—that we must become like a child if we want to enter the Kingdom of heaven.   Jesus is telling us to be “child like,” not “childish.” If Jesus is telling us this, we need to reflect on what it means to be “child like” so that we can be a part of the Kingdom of God.   What qualities does a child have that we need to imitate? Let’s reflect on a few.
A child does not really try to make a good impression.  They will say things like they are even if the story may make them look silly.   By not worrying about how they come off, the child is not focusing on himself, but is open to listening to the other person, to caring.
This is important not only in our relationships with others, but also with God.  Too often, our prayers with God are really nothing more than occasions when we try to convince God of how good we are, how much we love him and how much we deserve to be in the Kingdome of Heaven.  God already knows our strengths and weaknesses, our successes and failures.  He knows how we have shown him love and how we have failed to be loving.   And yet, we still try to hide our true selves from him.
A child always has time for others.  The child has no real concern for a schedule, so when someone comes along who wants to spend time, well, they have the time.
A child allows herself to be loved.   She approaches everyone, friends and strangers, with an open, loving heart, trusting that the others will be kind and loving and trustworthy.
A child will continue to trust others who have not been so kind with warm trust.   A child has a short memory.  They forgive and to move on.  Again they are not focused on themselves; they don’t linger on the hurt that they have endured at the hands of others.  They want to move on with relationships, to give others still another chance.
A child needs others.  Children need to be cared for and loved.  They allow for us to care for them, to be affectionate with them.  With regard to our life of faith, perhaps this is the most important.  God wants us to need him.  Jesus told his followers that it is difficult for a rich man to enter heaven because they don’t have a a real felt need for God.  God wants us to be like children and to want to be cared for.
I said at the beginning that I was not going to give a eulogy about my aunt Saundra.  After writing this reflection, I discover that I just gave Saundra’s eulogy.  Saundra possesses all those child like qualities I describe and for that reason, I am confident that she is now sharing in the joy of the Kingdom of God.