My Name Is John and I Will Be Your Server
A few years ago, I was having dinner in a nice restaurant with a friend. Unfortunately, we were having difficulties with the server. Everything was going wrong: I don’t know if it was us or him, but we were just not communicating well. To further complicate the matter, the server was blaming all the mistakes on us. He insisted that we had ordered something that we didn’t want. The server was rather elderly and my friend—uncharitably—remarked that the server was arrogant because he had served the meal at the Last Supper.
I chuckled at the moment, but later that evening, I reflected that—at least for the most important part of the meal, the institution of the Eucharist—there were no servers. Jesus Himself washed the feet of the invited guests, “His loved ones, those He called His own.” Jesus served the meal and, finally, at the end shared with his fellow diners His own Body and Blood. In today’s Church, it is the priests who are the servers. Quite often priestly work is described as “ministry,” but I think that this somehow obscures the role of one who is called upon to wash the feet of others. Server is much more apt.
The relationship between the server and the restaurant diners is not usually one that either of them sought out. Fate brought them together. The server is not part of the group of people dining at the table. He is the servant—always outside the group. He might be our favorite server in our favorite restaurant. We might be his favorite customers. We might exchange pleasantries, inquire about him and joke with him, but he is still the server. He will come and go. He will serve not only our table, but enter into similar relationships with other diners at other tables. So it is with the priest. It is most likely that neither the parishioners nor the parish priest chose either other. Precisely, it is the bishop who made the dinner reservations. But it is the priest who serves families; he shares in their joys, their sadness, their secrets; he provides support and guidance…but he is not part of the family. He moves on to other families, to other parishes.
The server’s role is two-fold. First of all, he is to take the orders. This sounds basic and easy, but there is a great deal to it. First of all the server must be familiar with what is one the menu. He must know what the restaurant can and cannot serve. This degree of familiarity does not mean that he rattles off a list of plates, but the he know the ingredients and how they are prepared. The server cannot dictate to the people what they should order to eat, nor can he force them to eat the food if they don’t want to do so. He must treat the diners with respect. He must not be intrusive or obnoxious, drawing attention to himself.
In taking the order, the server needs to be patient with the diners. They may not be familiar with the menu; they may have a difficult time in making decisions. The server needs listen, patiently without interrupting. The server should respond to the questions with respect, clarity and sincerity. Complaints from the diners should be treated in the same way.
Again, we reflect that this is the role of the priest. The priest brings the gifts of God to the people. He cannot force them to accept them or even appreciate them. He can simply offer them in the best way that he knows how. It is the right and the responsibility of the people to use these divine gifts in the most effective manner.
The diners must understand that they are not the only concern of the server. He has other tables to serve and other tasks to perform that go unnoticed until they are not done. The requests of the diners must be reasonable they cannot expect Chinese food in an Italian restaurant. The server must be treated with respect. The faithful must respect their priest, taken into consideration his responsibilities and accept what the priest can and cannot do for them.
The second part of the server’s job is to bring the food to the table. It is not his food; he did not prepare it. He just brings to us what he has been given. And this is like the role of the priest. The priest is not bringing to us something that is his. He hands over what he has been given. The Church has entrusted the priest with the most precious gifts of Word and Sacrament—and the priest shares these gifts with us. The priest shares with us the inspirations of the Spirit that he has received in prayer and study.
The task of the server does not end after the food has been put on the table. It is the common practice for the server to return to the table after a few minutes to see if the diners need anything else. The server might also be called upon at any moment to fill a water class or bring more bread, or replace a spoon for a child who has dropped three others. The server cannot hide in the kitchen. The server is wearing a uniform to indicate in a visible manner his availability. The priest must also be vigilant and available. So, with the priest, the requests can come at any time or in any form. We also dress in a certain way, thereby indicating to everyone our willingness to stop and help.
Throughout the evening, the server is on call. His uniform sets him apart. People are looking at him. To be crude, if he is picking his nose, someone will notice and comment. The priest too must realize that while he has a personal life, he really does not have a private life. His behavior and words are observed and noted.
Diners need to realize that server is not simply at their beck and call. He may be taking the order of another table, delivering food or cleaning off plates. The diners need to be patient, realizing that the server will address their needs as soon as possible. There is no need to provide an application of this to the priest.
Things do not always go right, in a restaurant and in life. The server must realize that if the diners are not happy with something, he is the only person the diners have to voice their complaints. Again, he must be patient and do everything he can to rectify things. The priest is the “face of the Church.” In most cases, he is the one people have to express their concerns and, yes, complaints. He must again listen with patience, respect and understanding and be willing to change the things that he can change.
The server should not expect too much praise. He just brought the food; he didn’t cook it. So, if he gets a nice tip and perhaps a kind word of thanks, that is enough. He would be foolish to expect a statue in his honor for the meals he served. So too must the priest be cautious in his expectations for recognition, accolades or rewards.. In the end, we priests must expect nothing more than the words offered spoke by the master of the good servant in the parable, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful…” (Matthew 25:23)
Lastly, let us recall that we have all been taught how to treat servers. Abusive and unreasonable demands are uncalled for. Even when things don’t go as one would expect, let us be patient and appreciate at least the good will of the server. As we deal with our priests, most of whom have served with grace-filled dedication, let us remember that they offered themselves for priestly ordination because they want to serve us. This should count for a great deal for us—it does with God.
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