And I Will Be Your Waiter...
Several years ago, I was having
dinner in South Boston in a nice restaurant with asome priests. Unfortunately, it was not going well: we were
having difficulties with the waiter. Everything
was going wrong: I don’t know if it was us or him, but we were just not communicating
well. The waiter was blaming all the
mistakes on us. He insisted that we had
ordered something that we didn’t want.
The waiter was rather elderly and one of the priests—uncharitably—remarked
that the waiter was arrogant because he had served the meal at the Last
Supper. At that moment, I
chuckled--uncharitably, but later that evening, I reflected that—at least for
the most important part of the meal, the institution of the Eucharist—there were
no waiters. Jesus Himself washed the
feet of the invited guests, “His loved ones, those He called His own.” Jesus served the meal and, finally, at the
end shared with his fellow diners His own Body and Blood.
In today’s Church, it is the
priests who are the waiters. Quite often
priestly work is described as “ministry,” but I think that this somehow
obscures the role of one who is called upon to wash the feet of others. Waiter or server is much more apt.
The relationship between the
waiter and the restaurant diners is not usually one that either of them sought
out. Fate brought these strangers
together. It is most likely that neither
the parishioners nor the parish priest chose either other. Precisely, it is the bishop who made the
dinner reservations.
The waiter is the one given the
task of feeding the group. The waiter is
not part of the group of people dining at the table. He is the servant—always outside the
group. He might be our favorite waiter
in our favorite restaurant. We might
exchange pleasantries, inquire about him and joke with him, but he is still the
waiter. He will come and go. He will serve not only our table, but enter
into similar relationships with other diners at other tables. So it is with the priest. The priest serves
families; he shares in their joys, their sadness, their secrets; he provides
support and guidance, but he is not part of the family. He moves on to other families, to other
parishes.
The waiter’s role is two-fold. First of all, he is to take the orders. This sounds basic and easy, but there is a
great deal to it. First of all the
waiter must be familiar with what is one the menu. He must know what the restaurant can and
cannot serve. This degree of familiarity
does not mean that he rattles off a list of plates, but the he know the
ingredients and how they are prepared. The waiter cannot dictate to the people
what they should order to eat, nor can he force them to eat the food if they
don’t want to do so. He must treat the
diners with respect. He must not be
intrusive or obnoxious, drawing attention to himself.
In taking the order, the waiter
needs to be patient and listen to the diners.
They may not be familiar with the menu; they may have a difficult time
in making decisions. The waiter needs to listen, patiently without interrupting. The waiter should respond to the questions
with respect, clarity and sincerity.
Again, we reflect that this is
the role of the priest. The priest
brings the gifts of God to the people.
He cannot force them to accept them or even appreciate them. He can simply offer them in the best way that
he knows how. It is the right and the
responsibility of the people to use these divine gifts in the most effective
manner.
The diners must understand that
they are not the only concern of the waiter.
He has other tables to serve and other tasks to perform that go
unnoticed until they are not done. The
requests of the diners must be reasonable; they cannot expect Chinese food in
an Italian restaurant. Nor can they
bring their own food to the restaurant.
The waiter must be treated with
respect. The faithful must respect their
priest, taken into consideration his responsibilities and accept what the
priest can and cannot do for them. The
faithful must realize that this is a Church, devoted to life with God. There are other activities in the parish to
be sure—but the church is for prayer.
The second part of the waiter’s
job is to bring the food to the table.
It is not his food; he did not prepare it. He just brings to us what he has been
given. And this is like the role of the
priest. The priest is not bringing to us
something that is his. He hands over what he has been given. The Church has entrusted the priest with the
most precious gifts of Word and Sacrament—and the priest shares these gifts
with us. The priest shares with us the
inspirations of the Spirit that he has received in prayer and study.
The task of the waiter does not
end after the food has been put on the table.
It is the common practice for the waiter to return to the table after a
few minutes to see if the diners need anything else. The waiter might also be called upon at any
moment to fill a water class or bring more bread, or replace a spoon for a
child who has dropped three others. The
waiter is wearing a uniform to indicate in a visible manner his availability. So, with the priest, the requests can come at
any time or in any form. We also dress
in a certain way, thereby indicating to everyone our willingness to stop and
help.
Diners need to realize that
waiter is not simply at their beck and call.
He may be taking the order of another table, delivering food or cleaning
off plates. The diners need to be
patient, realizing that the waiter will address their needs as soon as
possible. There is no need to provide an
application of this to the priest.
Things do not always go right, in
a restaurant and in life. The waiter
must realize that if the diners are not happy with something, he is the only
person the diners have to voice their complaints. Again, he must be patient and do everything
he can to rectify things. The priest is
the “face of the Church.” In most cases,
he is the one people have to express their concerns and, yes, complaints. He must again listen with patience, respect
and understanding and be willing to change the things that he can change.
The waiter should not expect too
much praise. He just brought the food;
he didn’t cook it. So, if he gets a nice
tip and perhaps a kind word of thanks, that is enough. He would be foolish to expect a statue in his
honor for the meals he served. So too
must the priest be cautious in his expectations for recognition, accolades or
rewards.. In the end, we priests must expect nothing more than the words
offered spoke by the master of the good servant in the parable, “Well done,
good and faithful servant! You have been faithful…” (Matthew 25:23)
Let us recall that we have all
been taught how to treat waiters.
Abusive and unreasonable demands are uncalled for. Even when things don’t go as one would
expect, let us be patient and appreciate at least the good will of the
waiter. As we deal with our priests, the
great majority of whom have served with grace-filled dedication, let us
remember that they offered themselves for priestly ordination because they want
to serve us. This should count for a
great deal for us—it does with God.
Finally, like the poor waiter in
South Boston, we grow old and need to be replaced. We look to these young men, at least one or a
few of them to take our place and continue the service.
